A new reality
We all face uncertainties in life. Hardships that can forever alter one’s direction, and often, change our perception of how we reflect back on life and whether it was meaningful and prosperous. I’m not suggesting we attach success and happiness to only those obstacles we’ve overcome in life but let’s face it, it’s easy to get locked into a funk of despair when curveballs are constantly being thrown at your head. Sound like doom and gloom? Well buckle up kids and hold my Diet Cran-Mango, it’s about to get real.
Being unemployed is challenging. Quite frankly, it’s a bitch! By no means do I wish this on anyone, not even Danny Talbott. Thanks for that wedgie in 2nd-grade asshole. Gone is the time (for now) when the only concerns I had at a job were how to advance, how to make that “bread,” or finding out who took my PB&J from the office fridge. Ah, those were the days. I even miss the impromptu meetings about the meetings that were in preparation for the later meetings. [Insert chef kiss here.]
Looking back, I would gladly embrace all those mind-numbing moments listening to colleagues run on about their kids’ weekend soccer game win or those long morning commutes always wondering if I would get to a bathroom in time.
These days, my mornings begin by waking up to uncertainty, rejection, and a dash of depression with just a sprinkle of no opportunities on the horizon. Add to this exquisite “unemployment sandwich” a slice of nice juicy COVID-19 and viola, good times. The pool my friends just got deeper. I hope you can swim.
Journey to the unknown
My current journey began three and a half years ago after my new boss decided his life would be more enriched without the services of someone on his team who brought talent and experience to the job, and who also saw much success in the role. It’s true what they say… they always want to bring in their own team — not inherit one.
I’ve been in this position before, so I knew immediately what I had to do. On the ride home that last day of full-time employment, I called a few folks in my network letting them know of my unexpected new reality and that I was available for a new gig should they hear of any potential job openings. Typically, as many of you know, there is no time to think. You’re on autopilot.
This is survival mode and all you can do is keep moving forward.
I have found, at least for me, when thrown into a situation you are grossly unprepared for, you must be strong and stay focused. A challenge — given the abundance of emotions that may plague you, but you must keep it together and persevere.
Fortunately, I was a bit ahead of the game as I had dusted off the CV months prior and updated my online portfolio. I should mention, since, I’ve had the good fortune of landing a few plum freelance projects and contract gigs that have provided but a meager paycheck. Mind you, not enough to book that Fiji vacation, but enough to rebuild any form of dignity. Well, somewhat. But it is that full-time position that still eludes me.
The coming year saw many phone screens, in-persons, sporadic responses from recruiters, and dry-cleaning bills. Soon, the “truth monster” would rear its ugly head. This is going to be a long road. Again, having experienced the wonders of being jobless and a diminishing feeling of self-worth, the situation I currently found myself in wasn’t a shock. What I didn’t account for was this phenomenon called “ghosting.”
Do you believe in ghosts?
Now, I am a huge fan of horror movies — especially those of the zombie genre. You can always get me with a good slasher, psychological thriller, or gore fest. Whatever flavor of horror it is — I’m in. It doesn’t really matter (for the most part). I tend to stay away from flicks based on paranormal activity or ghosts — not a fan. I don’t get it. Never really understood the appeal but to each his/her own. The whole idea of unknown spirits terrifying you and making you question your surroundings sounds more like a blueprint for a much larger life question or that of a belief system rather than for an hour and a half Netflix watch. Perhaps this discussion is ripe for another read so for now let’s carry on.
Each time I am ghosted by a company, it’s as if I’m living in my own horror film. The only thing missing are the five other campers at the weekend cabin who die every 10 minutes. Oh, and a large rusted machete wielded by a masked psychopath. At what point did the silent treatment from recruiters and their brethren become the norm? This behavior is particularly common at the end of a long interview process when all the leg work is done and the meet and greets have ended. A time when a modicum of respect is not unheard of.
Ghosting is a term and practice that has been around for quite some time. How this applied to those seeking full-time work, I never saw coming. I guess I was naïve to think hiring managers, recruiters, and those whom I refer to as “gatekeepers,” had a certain level of professionalism and could actually appreciate the situation many job seekers were in.
I guess the argument is: with an overwhelming number of resumes and reqs that come across the desk, weeding through this endless pile can be a bit daunting. I get it. I can relate. I’ve had to do the same in the past when looking to add prowess to teams I’ve managed. And not to put talent acquisition teams on blast, but those who don’t bother getting back to candidates whom they’ve already invited in for interviews can’t possibly have it as bad as those on the job hunt.
Only an emotionless schlub would think this is ok. Pay candidates their due respect by getting back to them — we’re all busy, sympathy begone. YOU ARE EMPLOYED! No argument. Take a seat.
Why is ghosting a candidate accepted behavior? Was this part of the training? Perhaps. A little respect goes a long way in my cynical opinion. Although infrequently, there have been a FEW brave souls in the past who took the liberty of reaching out to inform me of their decision to pass on my candidacy. Mad respect for these upstanding citizens. Being the recipient of such a selfless act allows you to close the chapter and move onto your next opportunity. And if you are lucky enough to have received feedback on why you weren’t chosen (VERY RARE), well, now these good folks just made the holiday card list.
Think about it, this feedback is invaluable. After all, any information provided can only benefit you as a candidate and help you fine-tune your approach for your next rodeo.
The truth of the matter is, being ghosted by a company leaves little doubt of its impact on one’s psyche. It can be defeating to the core and ultimately leaves a less than optimal impression of the company you spent much of your precious time in preparing for an interview. Does my time not matter? You’re left guessing. What happened? Did I blow it? Did the interviewer have a spouse spat the night before? Were they hangry because their PB&J mysteriously went missing from the fridge? What could it be? Why no response?
You just don’t know and most likely, never will.
This is the quiet demon that only surfaces when your hopes are at their peak. This is not about being passed up for a position. This is about common courtesy not being shown to someone who has put in the time and worked to present themselves professionally as a valuable addition to the organization.
In Lorraine Warren we trust
Wait, can you hear that? That faint voice coming from the corner of your email account. It’s the ghost of company past — the one you thought days prior was generally interested in meeting you. The company that is now a fart in the wind and will never claim that coveted slot on your resume.
Unfortunately, without the benefit of enlisting the expertise of world-renowned paranormal investigator Lorraine Warren, our collective fortitude will have to bring us through this storm of uncertainty. Ever forward.
It can be rather frustrating having to constantly analyze why you never heard back, especially if you went through a rigorous interview process. You were invited in for a reason. They must have thought initially you could be a good fit. A formality really — a final tick in the box. Could it be you had spinach in your teeth, and it grossed out the hiring manager?
Truth bomb: maybe it’s ageism. How about sexism? It could be political. Or perhaps it’s racism. It might just be it’s not a good fit. YOU-JUST-DON’T-KNOW. And not hearing so much as a peep only adds to this mystery.
A simple two-sentence email response would be more than welcome. It could certainly clear things up and answer any questions. More importantly, it might keep you from wondering if you still had a shot at being hired.
With the insurmountable stress of unemployment, the last thing you need is the feeling of being tossed aside like yesterday’s coleslaw without any reason. Ok, maybe that’s a bit extreme but so is not being able to pay your bills. Sure, job fillers might not owe you anything. Their objective is to fill a req. Not to be concerned about, in their mind, a potentially uncomfortable call they have to make to a candidate who didn’t get the job.
But shouldn’t they be?
In the days of networking and playing job leapfrog, you’re always on a hustle. Wouldn’t it make sense to keep professional relationships in good graces? Down the road, you never know who will come knocking at your door, inquire about an open position, or need a recommendation.
Each interaction, even if not ideal, could be of value in the future. Too bad not all feel this way. Silly little recruiters. For those “gatekeepers” I say, let’s rise above the “just doing my job” or “I’ll never speak to this candidate again” mantra and be that hero who goes against the grain and displays deep integrity the likes of which can only be found in Gandhi’s left pocket. Don’t be scared. I’ll stand with you.
Pie in the sky
In a perfect world, we all are employed, contributing to society, and planning that next Fiji vacation. Yea, I too chuckled when I wrote that. For now, how about making the experience less uncomfortable for those who can’t claim this. Every day I find myself trying to change my course. I am confident my luck will one day decide to befriend me, and I will once again be part of a conversation about a co-worker’s recently painted bathroom.
These pitstop experiences along the way are all too frequent. Pounding the pavement, as I’m sure you all have done at least at once in your lives, is a necessary practice — one that will hopefully find its way to a paycheck, and a sense of normalcy.
Ghosting sucks. And you know what, this reminds me of an old adage: Familiarity breeds contempt.
That is a big heaping bowl of truth sauce, wouldn’t you say?
Maybe this is why I don’t like ghost movies.
